Tuesday, 27 May 2008

Peckers To The Feed The Peckers

Here we have a dipstick that apparently can walk and maybe even talk. What a world that would be if our man parts could detach themselves and proceed walk around freely and carelessly. Imagine that you're sleeping soundly in bed when the sudden urge to pee overwhelms you only to awake you to the sight of your dick walking to bathroom on it's own and pissing for you. All while you're in bed half asleep and comfortable as fuck. But unfortunately we don't live in a paradise like that. :( So this was drawn on this band Trash Talk's van. Check 'em out. One of the hardest working bands in hardcore right now. But anyways, I don't know if they drew it themselves (which would be acceptable) or if it was one of their wyld homo fans that didn't like their set 'cause they didn't play that sick jam that he/she had been listening to in their bedroom and moshing in the mirror to. Either way it's fucking awesome and I thoroughly appreciate Mr. Joe Harder for submitting this to me. Check out his band Pressure.

So pretty much what we have here is a secret cum machine. I'm assuming there's a guy hiding behind the wall and that he's just using this plastic hand washer front as a clever decoy. So what I imagine would happen is you go up after a piss, shit or just hard work that got your hands a little dirty and you just start pumping on the little flap/handle. Now when you do that it obviously triggers some sort of hand / pocket pussy / mouth / other miscellaneous pleasure utensils. This is where the term "2 pump chump" comes into mind and this drawing may very well be inspiration for the term. So 2 little pumps on this contraption and what you think is mass produced hand washing soap dispenses buuuuut......NOPE! You just got served up a massive load of a random dudes cum in your hands. And before you realize the fuckery that has just taken place you've covered your hands and possibly your face with some assholes semen. What a fucked up world we live in....

Location: Picture 1: Trash Talk's Van; Picture 2: Brussels,BK @ VK Club
Artist: Picture 1: Unknown; Picture 2: Big Willy

Tuesday, 20 May 2008

The Art Of Drawing Pork Pipes.

I was so bored today that I resorted to lurking the Internet the entire day. I know this particular piece is a little off topic from my normal postings but FUCKING SHIT these are amazing! I found this on a website called web cam stop motion thing.

This one is pure, unrivaled genius. I wish I could draw shit like this. It's like it's being reborn from it's cock cocoon. Watching the gift of "boner life" is a stunning thing to witness. Damn near brings a tear to my eye.

You probably all know this amazing scene from the movie "Superbad". I literally almost exploded when I saw this in the theatre. A fucking classic scene I must say. Someone decided it would be a good idea to re-edit the scene and throw some music in the background (they were absolutely right). Every time I watch this it makes me almost cry. There's some priceless dicks drawn and I could only wish they were drawn on some bathrooms or green room at a gig.

This asshole has been blessed with a amazing talent. Please just watch this and see how AMAZING it is. It's got some weird ass foreign music to back up his rad drawing ideas. Check it out and enjoy!!!

Sunday, 18 May 2008


This post is dedicated to my amazing friends. They submitted these next 5 photos to me for my blog and I'm very, very, very thankful for that. So let us begin with the first of the 5. It almost looks like this dude is doing a ILL solo with a slimy ding-a-ling as a guitar slide or it could possibly could be some sort of alien homo face hugger. The poor dude wouldn't even see it coming if it was. He's just jamming out some sick ass tunes with his guitar slider but what he doesn't know is its some homo erotic alien sent from Mars to hug is face and inject it's venomous cum inside his cranium. Either way it's a good one and it was submitted by my good friend Benjamin Kelly aka B-roll. Check out his band Death Before Dishonor. UR MOSHIN!

On to #2. The name says it all. Dickasaurus Rex. Enough said. This could definitely be in a kids book as a hidden subliminal message to influence kids to grow up and love the cock. I'll tell you who loves the cock, my friend Amanda. She's also the one that submitted this piece. You rule amanda!

Here we have #3 of the pack. The spiritual symbol of Cockfucious, Yin Wang. Praise thee almighty Yin Wang for spiritual cleansing! Or you can "praise" this deity of dick with your hands and receive a blessing filled blast of it's spiritual cream. This was submitted by my friend David Foster. He's in an AMAZING band called Blacklisted. Please check them out. One of today's best hardcore bands.

Moving on to #4. This piece is reminiscent of the cover for Pantera's "Vulgar Display of Power" but with an extra homo tip added to the mix. Nothing wrong with that all seeing as it's the HARDEST CD cover art ever published and this is the HARDEST cock wall art ever done. You always gotta save the best for the last and that's exactly what I did with these last 2 beautiful slabs of pork sticks. They were submitted by the lovely azn sensation Kristin.

So last but not least let me just say: WHAT THE FUCK!? I have nothing at all to say about this one. Just stare at it and soak up this piece of cock wall art history. Your eyes will cum from looking at this masterpiece.

Location: Unknown
Artist: Unknown

Monday, 12 May 2008

Theme Song

Well apparently Mr. Ben Folds and I are on the same level of cock art at clubs on tour. It's great to discover that such a great / huge (no homo) musician such as Ben Folds respects the beautiful world of backstage / toilet cock art. I bet he's seen some amazing dicks on walls in his touring career. It just goes to show you that you could be a average joe, a dude in a small hardcore band or big time act like Ben Folds and enjoy the comedy of crudely drawn meat pipes. Please watch the video and listen to the lyrics.

Friday, 9 May 2008

"Austria! Well then, G'day mate! Let's put another shrimp on the bar-b!"

This is a finely drawn ant-eater aka uncircumcised cream stick. I like this theme that most touring bands seem have going on with drawing a shaft and having it splurge out either their bands name or all the names of the bands on the touring package. I think it's a great promotional marketing technique for a struggling act. I see shit like this and it makes me wanna go check these bands out ASAP. As you can see, this particular piece is a newbie to the wall canvas ala the '08 written in the spooge. I hope it remains in it's dignified position 'til the end of the world because it is an extremely nice piece of art.

This next piece is a bit of an eyesore at first glance, but once you notice the sheer magnificence hidden within your eyes are immediately whirled into a blissfully orgasmic treat. What we have here is a HUGE piece of man meat and it is, as Nick Manning would say "dropping fucking loads!" all over this guys face. I mean I know the majority of this massive load is going into his throat but come on! That's a lot of cum. I think a load that big could possibly, most definitely, drown / kill someone. Imagine you're a good friend of a guy like this, but you're completely unaware of his secret cum guzzling infatuation. You might get a phone call from his mom or the cops and it might go something like...

Cop: Excuse me sir, I regret to inform you that your friend Jordan died last night.
Me: Oh my god! What happened!?
Cop: He died a slow slow death...by drowning in another man.s cum.

All respect gone for Jordan and and funeral services will not include my attendance.

Not much to say about this one. It's clearly already been given a great name. DUCK BONER. Well it's definitely a duck (i think?) and it for sure has a boner. It looks like an acorn or an olive is glued to the tip of his schlong. I only wish that birds had reproductive organs like that. I guess only in a perfect world would we have such things as a real duck boner or people who looked like "Pud Mellman" (see post below).

Location: Wein, Austria @ The Arena
Photos: Martin Stewart
Artist: Unknown

Sunday, 4 May 2008

Big Willy

This post is a dedication to my great friend Mr. Andrew Williams. I've had the pleasure of touring many, many years with this man and he, like me, is a lover of the Cock / Dick Art On Tour scene. The drawings in this post were specially done by him ESCLUSIVELY for my blog! For the first piece I had to get 3 different shots of it in attempt to capture it's genuine beauty. I don't have much to say about it aside from the fact that it's fucking gorgeous and that I hope that when people are pissing and/or shitting they will enjoy this legitimate piece of art.

Who here doesn't wanna look like "Pud Mellman"? I certainly wish I had a dick nose and I'm pretty sure that most guys, and maybe even girls, would also agree. Actually now that I think about it I'm 100% sure that girls would agree and maybe even some homos. What girl wouldn't want her skittle twiddled with a tongue all the while a large dick nose is gently inserted into her flesh hole. Oh what a beautiful world it would be! Also, I wonder if when Pud sneezes does he cum all over his face and into is mouth? I would dread the flu & cold season in fear of giving myself facials if I was ever fortunate enough to be this handsome man nobly named "Pud Mellman".

Locations: The Wedge Room @ Portsmouth, UK
The New Age @ Trevisto, Italy
Artist: Big Willy aka Andy Williams