Thursday, 4 December 2008

Call The Office part 2

Well here's another part of the "Call The Office" series. That club was dick heaven for sure. But anyways, I'm not gonna type to much about each individual picture. Ill just let you use your imagination and make up your own funny descriptions. Now introducing the beef.

"Now that's a dick" other sentence could describe this any better.
Pretty self explanatory i must say. Its "SubmaPenis"
This is a repeat offender..."Dickasaurus Rex", my friend Amanda submitted one like this months ago. But it was drawn on a bathroom wall last time. Its now showing up on a couch arm. He had a friend drawn by him named "Tri-ceracocks". You will be blessed with that piece on a later post.

Artist: Unknown
Location: London, Ontario @ Call the office

Friday, 7 November 2008

Call The Office part 1

Its been a long fucking time since i last updated this! I had almost forgot i even had this blog anymore. So pretty much I've been busy with the whole tour business and haven't been finding any new cock art at clubs/bars/bathrooms, Until about 3 days ago in London, Ontario aka Canada. It was all at this venue called "Call The Office". I have so many photos, i cant add them all at once. So I'm gonna do the this in series of post. Here is the first batch, the first picture pretty much explains the venue...
A swastika in cock form with 4 dudes sucking on it. That's all i got to say about this picture. I don't really wanna ruin it with some stupid ass joke. So just suck it in for all its beauty and enjoy!
A poorly drawn cock man with a great side titty coming from the left.  I, myself wanted to add some cum/semen/jizz/man sauce squirting from the tip and landing on that firm tittay. But i didn't wanna ruin both pieces with my additions, cause i know if some asshole added to my be pissed.
This was placed perfectly above the toilet about head height and i was pretty offended. It made me actually look down at my dick to make sure it wasn't that small and puny. I was pleasantly surprised that i wasn't that petite, but not far from it. 
First off, This picture is being cut off by a mirror now. I'm assuming at one point in life it was not covered and ruined. I mean seriously a fucking schlong cumming bacon and a omelet! Once again only in my dreams could i be gifted with such a super power. The ability to jizz up my breakfast. Imagine waking up with morning wood and tossing up a J O session and shooting out bacon and a omelet onto a plate. Only problem is the pain of cumming those tasty treats. Hopefully the super power would include painless ejaculation or else it would be the most painful thing ever, but after the pain you'd have a amazing breakfast.

Sunday, 20 July 2008

Zipper Rippers

First and foremost, Id like you to go check out my good friend Martin Stewart's blog called Gutter Magic. We just did a blog Collab for both our blogs. so go check it out! Now on with the cock art! What we have here is either a ancient sea beast/dinosaur or a look into the future of evolution. Either way it scares the fuck out of me. Imagine a ocean full of these prick predators, i myself would not like that at all. That is truly what nightmares are made of. This was submitted by a Nicholas Bua. Thank you very much sir.
Wow, this is a very racial and controversial piece of art here OR is it just the TRUTH. A definite long running myth though. How convenient that it was submitted by a azn.
This is what would i totally expect from some European late night TV show. I'm assuming his name would be "Mr. Pennis The Menace".  He kinda reminds of a sick, twisted and perverted version of that WB frog that sings and dances. Best part of the drawing/picture is that hes wearing roller blades aka fruit boots and if you look closely they're definitely Nike blades. So That means Pennis here is fashionable up to date. I'm also a fan of his red tie and monocle, its like hes formal but hes also here party.
Artist: Unknown
Location: New York, Portland and Europe

Tuesday, 24 June 2008

So here's another installment of "if you cant draw a crowd..." Ive been slacking super hard on doing a new update. I still have a broken computer and I'm currently on the vans warped tour, where their is absolutely not any dick art of any kind anywhere. I find myself going from porta potty to porta potty in hopes of a sweet cock drawing, but all i find is a shot sense of smell from the backed up johns from little rocker/emo kids dumping all day. But anyways, i can always rely on my friends and b-roll has once again delivered some great european cocks. If you ever wondered what a "droopy dick" was, well then here it is. All that can be said is im sure that no man would ever want a dick like this. it kinda likes a balloon thing that a clown would make.
Its apparent what we have here, a wiener version of south parks Terrence and/or Phillip. Maybe the creators of south park Trey Park or Matt Stone actually drew up this while on some homo-erotic vacation over seas? Who knows the true origin of this beautiful cartoon fuck stick, but all i know is its fucking great.
Location: Somewhere In Europe
Artist: Unknown

Monday, 16 June 2008


I've never owned a car in my 27 years of life. But if I was to finally get a automobile? would definitely be "the cockcart". I mean, look at this beautiful vehicle. I bet it gets great gas mileage. I like to imagine myself as that little guy in the driver seat tearing ass up the 5 north to go party with friends. The only downside is that it's definitely a 1 seater. But I'm a genius and came up with a great idea: get some saddles and throw those things on neck/shaft of my cock cart and...BOO-YA!!! I can now drive my friends to party with me. But the real question is: Is the front hood/animal/cock head alive? Or is it just there for show? I guess we will never know since a car like this can only exist in my wildest dreams.

Something like this will for sure exist in the future. It wont be long 'til some crazy mad scientist will splice penis DNA with frog DNA and then this homo erotic amphibian will exist. Then I think the idea of licking toads to get high will drastically change in young white trash kids minds. I myself hope I never encounter such a creature as this. Venomous cum and a weird long sticky tongue coming from the pee hole to catch its bug prey. NOT COOL AT ALL!

Location: Portland, OR
Artist: Unknown
Submitted By: Azn Kristin

Tuesday, 3 June 2008

Ladies Lollipop.

I'm honestly speechless on this one. So much going on that my mind is drawing a blank on what to write. I think everyone just needs to stare at this and come up with their own funny comments. I mean there are like 20 pricks drawn on this table and there is even a little twat with a brown eye drawn up also. I'm sorry that I have nothing funny to say about this table of pork sticks and a pussy, it's just blown my mind to the point where I can't even think. But don't worry, I got a huge update coming this week and I will deliver! This was submitted by changexofxidea from the B9 board. Click the picture to see the full detail and glory of this true to form masterpiece.

Location: Fresno, Ca @ The Exit
Artist: Unknown

Tuesday, 27 May 2008

Peckers To The Feed The Peckers

Here we have a dipstick that apparently can walk and maybe even talk. What a world that would be if our man parts could detach themselves and proceed walk around freely and carelessly. Imagine that you're sleeping soundly in bed when the sudden urge to pee overwhelms you only to awake you to the sight of your dick walking to bathroom on it's own and pissing for you. All while you're in bed half asleep and comfortable as fuck. But unfortunately we don't live in a paradise like that. :( So this was drawn on this band Trash Talk's van. Check 'em out. One of the hardest working bands in hardcore right now. But anyways, I don't know if they drew it themselves (which would be acceptable) or if it was one of their wyld homo fans that didn't like their set 'cause they didn't play that sick jam that he/she had been listening to in their bedroom and moshing in the mirror to. Either way it's fucking awesome and I thoroughly appreciate Mr. Joe Harder for submitting this to me. Check out his band Pressure.

So pretty much what we have here is a secret cum machine. I'm assuming there's a guy hiding behind the wall and that he's just using this plastic hand washer front as a clever decoy. So what I imagine would happen is you go up after a piss, shit or just hard work that got your hands a little dirty and you just start pumping on the little flap/handle. Now when you do that it obviously triggers some sort of hand / pocket pussy / mouth / other miscellaneous pleasure utensils. This is where the term "2 pump chump" comes into mind and this drawing may very well be inspiration for the term. So 2 little pumps on this contraption and what you think is mass produced hand washing soap dispenses buuuuut......NOPE! You just got served up a massive load of a random dudes cum in your hands. And before you realize the fuckery that has just taken place you've covered your hands and possibly your face with some assholes semen. What a fucked up world we live in....

Location: Picture 1: Trash Talk's Van; Picture 2: Brussels,BK @ VK Club
Artist: Picture 1: Unknown; Picture 2: Big Willy

Tuesday, 20 May 2008

The Art Of Drawing Pork Pipes.

I was so bored today that I resorted to lurking the Internet the entire day. I know this particular piece is a little off topic from my normal postings but FUCKING SHIT these are amazing! I found this on a website called web cam stop motion thing.

This one is pure, unrivaled genius. I wish I could draw shit like this. It's like it's being reborn from it's cock cocoon. Watching the gift of "boner life" is a stunning thing to witness. Damn near brings a tear to my eye.

You probably all know this amazing scene from the movie "Superbad". I literally almost exploded when I saw this in the theatre. A fucking classic scene I must say. Someone decided it would be a good idea to re-edit the scene and throw some music in the background (they were absolutely right). Every time I watch this it makes me almost cry. There's some priceless dicks drawn and I could only wish they were drawn on some bathrooms or green room at a gig.

This asshole has been blessed with a amazing talent. Please just watch this and see how AMAZING it is. It's got some weird ass foreign music to back up his rad drawing ideas. Check it out and enjoy!!!

Sunday, 18 May 2008


This post is dedicated to my amazing friends. They submitted these next 5 photos to me for my blog and I'm very, very, very thankful for that. So let us begin with the first of the 5. It almost looks like this dude is doing a ILL solo with a slimy ding-a-ling as a guitar slide or it could possibly could be some sort of alien homo face hugger. The poor dude wouldn't even see it coming if it was. He's just jamming out some sick ass tunes with his guitar slider but what he doesn't know is its some homo erotic alien sent from Mars to hug is face and inject it's venomous cum inside his cranium. Either way it's a good one and it was submitted by my good friend Benjamin Kelly aka B-roll. Check out his band Death Before Dishonor. UR MOSHIN!

On to #2. The name says it all. Dickasaurus Rex. Enough said. This could definitely be in a kids book as a hidden subliminal message to influence kids to grow up and love the cock. I'll tell you who loves the cock, my friend Amanda. She's also the one that submitted this piece. You rule amanda!

Here we have #3 of the pack. The spiritual symbol of Cockfucious, Yin Wang. Praise thee almighty Yin Wang for spiritual cleansing! Or you can "praise" this deity of dick with your hands and receive a blessing filled blast of it's spiritual cream. This was submitted by my friend David Foster. He's in an AMAZING band called Blacklisted. Please check them out. One of today's best hardcore bands.

Moving on to #4. This piece is reminiscent of the cover for Pantera's "Vulgar Display of Power" but with an extra homo tip added to the mix. Nothing wrong with that all seeing as it's the HARDEST CD cover art ever published and this is the HARDEST cock wall art ever done. You always gotta save the best for the last and that's exactly what I did with these last 2 beautiful slabs of pork sticks. They were submitted by the lovely azn sensation Kristin.

So last but not least let me just say: WHAT THE FUCK!? I have nothing at all to say about this one. Just stare at it and soak up this piece of cock wall art history. Your eyes will cum from looking at this masterpiece.

Location: Unknown
Artist: Unknown

Monday, 12 May 2008

Theme Song

Well apparently Mr. Ben Folds and I are on the same level of cock art at clubs on tour. It's great to discover that such a great / huge (no homo) musician such as Ben Folds respects the beautiful world of backstage / toilet cock art. I bet he's seen some amazing dicks on walls in his touring career. It just goes to show you that you could be a average joe, a dude in a small hardcore band or big time act like Ben Folds and enjoy the comedy of crudely drawn meat pipes. Please watch the video and listen to the lyrics.

Friday, 9 May 2008

"Austria! Well then, G'day mate! Let's put another shrimp on the bar-b!"

This is a finely drawn ant-eater aka uncircumcised cream stick. I like this theme that most touring bands seem have going on with drawing a shaft and having it splurge out either their bands name or all the names of the bands on the touring package. I think it's a great promotional marketing technique for a struggling act. I see shit like this and it makes me wanna go check these bands out ASAP. As you can see, this particular piece is a newbie to the wall canvas ala the '08 written in the spooge. I hope it remains in it's dignified position 'til the end of the world because it is an extremely nice piece of art.

This next piece is a bit of an eyesore at first glance, but once you notice the sheer magnificence hidden within your eyes are immediately whirled into a blissfully orgasmic treat. What we have here is a HUGE piece of man meat and it is, as Nick Manning would say "dropping fucking loads!" all over this guys face. I mean I know the majority of this massive load is going into his throat but come on! That's a lot of cum. I think a load that big could possibly, most definitely, drown / kill someone. Imagine you're a good friend of a guy like this, but you're completely unaware of his secret cum guzzling infatuation. You might get a phone call from his mom or the cops and it might go something like...

Cop: Excuse me sir, I regret to inform you that your friend Jordan died last night.
Me: Oh my god! What happened!?
Cop: He died a slow slow drowning in another man.s cum.

All respect gone for Jordan and and funeral services will not include my attendance.

Not much to say about this one. It's clearly already been given a great name. DUCK BONER. Well it's definitely a duck (i think?) and it for sure has a boner. It looks like an acorn or an olive is glued to the tip of his schlong. I only wish that birds had reproductive organs like that. I guess only in a perfect world would we have such things as a real duck boner or people who looked like "Pud Mellman" (see post below).

Location: Wein, Austria @ The Arena
Photos: Martin Stewart
Artist: Unknown

Sunday, 4 May 2008

Big Willy

This post is a dedication to my great friend Mr. Andrew Williams. I've had the pleasure of touring many, many years with this man and he, like me, is a lover of the Cock / Dick Art On Tour scene. The drawings in this post were specially done by him ESCLUSIVELY for my blog! For the first piece I had to get 3 different shots of it in attempt to capture it's genuine beauty. I don't have much to say about it aside from the fact that it's fucking gorgeous and that I hope that when people are pissing and/or shitting they will enjoy this legitimate piece of art.

Who here doesn't wanna look like "Pud Mellman"? I certainly wish I had a dick nose and I'm pretty sure that most guys, and maybe even girls, would also agree. Actually now that I think about it I'm 100% sure that girls would agree and maybe even some homos. What girl wouldn't want her skittle twiddled with a tongue all the while a large dick nose is gently inserted into her flesh hole. Oh what a beautiful world it would be! Also, I wonder if when Pud sneezes does he cum all over his face and into is mouth? I would dread the flu & cold season in fear of giving myself facials if I was ever fortunate enough to be this handsome man nobly named "Pud Mellman".

Locations: The Wedge Room @ Portsmouth, UK
The New Age @ Trevisto, Italy
Artist: Big Willy aka Andy Williams

Friday, 25 April 2008

Always The HARD Way

Sorry for the lack of updates in the past week and a half. I just got home from my first time ever in Europe and I must say it was fucking amazing! I can't wait to be back over there. But anyways, on with the cock talk. These first 2 were found while I was taking a shit (as always). 1st up is some sort of Jewish dwarf with a huge white gravy maker. Dude is definitely tasting his own jizz and is either loving or hating it. It's difficult to tell 'cause in the good ol' US of A "eeeurgh" would be a sign of almost puking/gagging. But over there in Germany it could easily be a sign of great pleasure/taste. Best part of the pic is the butt dribble he's got going on. I LOL'd on sight.

This next one was drawn very, very lightly and had also slightly faded over time so I took it upon myself to re-draw it, aka trace it, 'cause it is your duty to do so to such a beautiful winged cock. I would definitely pay for one of my friends to get this as a L.B.T. I hope you all know what an L.B.T is. If not then you're a fruit.

So while in Berlin I attended a gig that a few of my friends band was playing after our own gig. My 1st mission while there should have been to find girls and get drunk, but instead I immediately went on the hunt for sweet meat art. No description necessary for this one beyond what it already says:

My friend Mr. Jonathan Buske pointed out this little hidden treasure to me. It's sad that people sometimes feel the need to deface such beautiful works of art, but it's still semi noticeable despite the vandalism thwarted upon it and still semi LOLable. I mean come on, a prick with what looks like to be a HERSHEY'S® Kiss for a head, surfing and throwing up a sick "shakka" brah is pretty stunning in my eyes.

This last piece is my favorite of the group because it was drawn exclusively for this blog. It kinda hurts to look at, you know? A trouser snake in a knot like that is something i never wanna experience. But however, it is fucking amazing none the less. The pubic area is the funniest part. It's just like a halo puff of pubes with some prickly stub hairs on the balls. And just because it's cumming a Terror tag does not make it homo, 'cause Terror is far from homo. Go pick up the new CD when it drops (edit: record has officially dropped).

Location: Pics 1 & 2 from Berlin, DE @ The Magnet;
pics 3, 4 & 5 from Berlin, DE @ SO-36

Friday, 18 April 2008

Sir Martin Wagstaff

There is nothing better then going to take a long shit
and reading/observing the bathroom humor/art.
That's what happened yesterday when i took my routine mid-day dump.
I looked up in front of me and there was this stunning fuck masterpiece.
what i love about it, is that the dudes slam hog is almost bigger than his legs and torso.
You know that their is no way that whore will enjoy that giant skin divider,
that's about to enter her black hole of pleasure.
Artist: Jake DDG
These next 2 amazing drawings was done by a good friend/tour mate/boss.
He's a great artist and as you can see with this hunk of meat.
He has a true future in the art of cock art.
But anyways these are definitely a fine piece of art and to me
it kinda resembles a beanstalk, i think it would've been great if he had drawn
a little boy or girl climbing to the top of this cum volcano.
Artist: Jordan Buckley

I love when i go to take a piss and you pull up that seat...
and BAM! there's a huge cock that makes you laugh so hard you can barely piss,
But almost piss yourself instead cause the LOLz.
This first one looks kinda a cactus, its def more graff style.
What a great tag name would be, no weird letters...just a joy knob.
Same thing with this, i went to go piss later in the night and then found this golden shrine.
I was speechless once again, more this time than the first one.
Its definitely a sloppy ass pecker and 
to top it off, some super sloppy ass titties and thighs.
I cant even see the pussy, so i hope its on a trip to brown town.
but no matter what, its good placement and good laughs.
Location: Hamburg, DE @ Molotow
Artist: The last 2 are unknown

Thursday, 17 April 2008


A old friend sent me this just for the blog.
Its a little off topic than my normal backstage/bathroom dong art.
But i thought it was a LOL worthy photo.
Location: Some sketchy alley
Artist: None of your business

"we work hard, we play hard"

Here we have the classic "lunch break" taken at Rockefeller center in 1932.
Well here at, we have the redone/remix version,
 personally i love it way BETTER than the OG pic.
please observe for yourself.
First guy(from right) has a tight Hitler stache, while jammin on some of
grandpa's ol cough medicine. If you look closely enough you can see his buddy to his left
has a snapped goose's neck under his lunch box, dudes hurtin!
The far left gent is obviously lurking his sites with prick in hand,
If he bust his load, its going directly to the middle mans mouth...YES HOMO!
He also has a sick lurker peeking over his mac book.
This is easily one of my fav frames of this set.
The middle guy looks a little like George Clooney, but with a small wrinkle dick
and a nice pair of man titties.

Last pic of the set has alot of skin pipe's in it.
The far left dude is for sure using that dudes cock as a pipe...
totally HOMO, but yo the ironworkers of hard, so they play HARD.
Location: Cologne, De @ Underground
Artist: Unknown

Sunday, 13 April 2008

First Post!

                                            This 1st beautiful meat shaft is a work of art. 
                             Not only is this boner cumming the touring bands names, 
                    but it also has a pair of reading glasses on. That's a smart ass prick.
                           Artist: SYG or HT 
                                                      LOOK at that fucking fuck stick.
                                    Its literally a stick with like a fungi growing on the tip.
                                  If this is truely "hot johns" cream stick, then i feel for him
                                    and wish him the best of luck getting laid in his lifetime.
                                                                    Artist: Unknown
2 options for this one...either the guy who drew this tube-steak is 
the same "clever" guy who wrote the comments by it 
or some jerk off thought he would ruin this glorious whore pipe with his sarcasm.
i think either way dudes a loser, but its a damn good prick.
My only complaint with it is the pubes look like a cats whiskers,
kinda like they started drawing a pic of garfield and got sidetracked
into drawing a one eyed worm.
Artist: Unknown
                                                    Location: Stoke, UK @ The Sugar mill
                                                    Photo Credit: Dr. Z